Isn't it strange how a song or a scent can instantly transport you to a former time in life? Maybe the theme song to your favorite childhood TV show brings you back in time for 17 seconds. Or perhaps the smell of mold reminds you of your teen years driving around in your little yellow VW Carmengia (that's for you, Mom!). For me this weekend, it was a Christmas song on the radio. It didn't bring me back a decade or any great length of time; it brought me back to exactly one year ago.
"Sending You a Little Christmas" (by Jim Brickman and Kristy Starling) was the song. We were simply finishing up dinner, with the radio playing Christmas tunes in the background. I was overcome with floods of old feelings and memories of my then-fiance during his deployment last year. It's so easy to forget what it feels like when they're safely home with you, but those 6-15 months (depending on one's branch and extensions) of them being in a war zone freeze you to the core. You deal with each day as it comes, but there is this cold feeling in the pit of your stomach as you wait for their return. It never goes away ~ you can fill it up with projects and work, hobbies and friends, but you are always in a state of subconscious prayer and worry. The rest of the world goes about their day (and in this example, their holiday season) with bubbly excitement and joy ~ decorating trees, singing carols, shopping, and yes, stressing.
But stressing over the wrong things. So, you don't get your Christmas cards out this year... So, the check out lines are long... The Starbucks lady screwed up your festive latte... The streets are slushy and sloppy and your car is filthy. So what. So what? When your perspective on life is in the right place ~ that nothing matters more than God, loved ones and freedom ~ then NONE of this stuff matters. And a deployment does that to you. These things didn't matter because my best friend and love of my life was in harm's way. He was in a danger zone. In that cold place in the pit of my stomach, I knew I may never see him again. And the heartbreaking thing is, I personally know of a few Army wives and girlfriends who's men did not return home to them this year. They should have. They should be together until death do them part, living full and happy lives. But war is a cruel thing. Necessary at times of course, but heartbreakingly cruel.
This time last year I wanted to give back to those who give more than I ever could. With the incredible generosity of many, we were able to put together over 50 completely stuffed stockings and ship them off to my husband's company stationed in Afghanistan. I wish we could have done ten times that amount, but it was such a joy to give back to our troops. I only wish I could have done it again this year!
So when that song came on the radio, these were the memories I had. Boxes and bubble wrap, deodorant and beef jerky...And that empty cold feeling at the pit of my stomach.
But from where I am, and looking back to where we were and all we have been through... I am counting my many blessings.
Call me a cheesy, hopeless romantic... I asked my sweet husband to dance with me in the kitchen right then and there (I do have to admit, this is a regular occurrence in our home).
Slow dancing to the radio, having my husband home safely with me this Christmas... Priceless. I of course, being the crybaby I am, had tears in my eyes. And he, the all-knowing man he is, saw them. My answer to his inquiring? I was (and am) so happy to have him home this Christmas. That this year, I don't have to worry. That this year... we're finally together.
"Sending You A Little Christmas"
A photograph, a blanket
Some mistletoe, confetti snow
An angel to put on a tree
Santa Claus in crayon
To make you smile today
While you're so far away
So I'm sending you a little Christmas
Wrapped up with love
A little peace, a little light
To remind you of
How I'm waiting for you, praying for you
I wanted you to see
So I'm sending you a little Christmas
Till you come home to me
Some gingerbread, a candy cane
A stocking I made with your name
I filled it with your favorite things
A way to say I love you
Like kisses through the air
Hoping you'll feel me there
So I'm sending you a little Christmas
Wrapped up with love
A little peace, a little light
To remind you of
How I'm waiting for you, praying for you
I wanted you to see
So I'm sending you a little Christmas
Till you come home to me
There are tens of thousands of our Soldiers, Marines, Airmen, and Sailors still serving overseas; let us not forget them this Christmas.
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